I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We named our party play list daddy issues
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
