i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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