piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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