i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
