Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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