You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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