can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
