you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
