i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
