His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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