What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
