I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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