the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
