he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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