return my video game
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
