i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
