Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
