**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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