You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
