Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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