Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
