She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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