BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
