The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
