last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
