Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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