My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
