i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
