yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
