Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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