Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
