I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
