ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
