The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm passing your future prison.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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