My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
