That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
a search helicopter?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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