I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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