Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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