if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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