it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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