if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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