Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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