Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
