I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
