I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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