i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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