I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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