Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
