just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
