Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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