I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
