the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
