it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
