i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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