I bet he comes in French.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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